Funny Flight Announcements

Read about this on a blog about Singapore Airlines and stories of its cabin crew. Find it pretty amusing:

Occasionally, cabin crew will make an effort to make the in-flight safety lecture a bit more entertaining in an attempt to grab your attention. The safety/take-off announcements came on like these:

1. As we are about take off in a couple of minutes time, please return your tray tables and seat backs into their full upright and most uncomfortable position.

2. There may be 100 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 12 ways out of this airplane.

3. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.

4. We do feature a smoking section on this flight. If you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.

5. Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.

6. Well, folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.

7. Thank you for flying with us. We hope you have enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

8. If you enjoyed your flight, my name is Marilyn and this is Singapore Airlines. If you didn't, my name is Yuki and this is Japan Airline.

9. (From the Captain in the cockpit): We've reached our cruising altitude and should be reaching our destination soon. If there's anything we can do to make your flight more comfortable, aside from "fly faster", please let us know.